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roleplaying:munchausen:tale_of_the_lost_pig [2005/11/22 17:59] (current)
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 +====== The tale of the lost pig ======
 +By [[Lady Alyssa Gray of Essex]]
 +Like the time you lost your best friend'​s favourite pig, and the lengths you went to to get it back. 
 +Would this be the Pearl-shod Pig of the Steam Baron Encephalus Jones?
 +Or the Possessed Pig of ArchDiocese Plenipotentiary Sylvester Turnip?
 +It was neither. Oh how little things can be blown into grandeous proportions! Funnily enough, that's exactly
 +what happened to Sally Speigler'​s silly little pig. What a fuss that stupid snorter made!
 +Cookie gentlemen? These are my world famous, triple-choc double dipped tall house cookies.
 +You know this was all back when CyberSwine Technology was all the rage. I was finishing my Postdoc
 +at Oxford at the time and was boarding in the same college as Sally. Sally was still recovering from the
 +nervous breakdown she'd suffered after her entire thesis was printed as a four-page article in PseudoScience,​
 +(the highest impact factored journal this side of Alpha-Centauri Prime) by her ex-boyfriend.
 +Sally had spent the summer on her farm in Jacksonville and had just returned, passionate about the work
 +being done on Pig Gene Therapy. The race to produce the first pig with completely human-compatible organs
 +was on and Sally thought she might be able to win it. She'd be dating a guy from CalTech who was working
 +on Nano Tech and she thought she'd figured out a way to speed up pig gene sequencing which was advancing
 +but at a snail'​s pace. 
 +And was that due to the nigh-plague level infestations of ear-enhanced
 +mice that was giving the research a bad name?
 +Well it was partly due to those damn mice. They had such darn good hearing - they could hear when you opened
 +a packet of crisps and suddenly, there they would appear. And they would just sit and look at you like a dog does.
 +I don't know what it was about those super-enhanced ears of theirs but it caused an enormous divergence in their
 +behaviour - made them far less timid and way more arrogant! Oddly, many of them gained an interest in rock music....
 +... and that's how they came to slow down the progress being made in identifying the swine genetic makeup. You see,
 +many of the postgrads who were working in labs across the country would listen to youth radio, which has a high
 +content of hard rock, as you would know. After the breakout from Manchester Rodent Laboratories,​ those darn mice
 +started showing up and hanging around in labs across the country. It wasn't just gene sequencing that suffered. Journals
 +left, right and centre were forced to slow down their publication rates because they simply could not fill the issues. It
 +was a dark day for science.
 +And this is of course where Sally'​s plan came into action. She had realised that collaboration between Nanotechs and the
 +SwineSequencers could develop a method that circumvented the need for processing in labs. By injecting nanoprobes
 +directly into the pigs, they could wander around inside taking photos, and making notes and then send the results via satellite
 +feed directly into the computer network, bypassing lab processing entirely.
 +But everyone knows that pigs make extremely unreliable researchers -
 +they are incredibly vain animals, and refuse completely to
 +acknowledge any value in another'​s theory. Networked together so
 +that they could not deny another'​s research - why, that would be a
 +recipe for disaster!
 +===== Networking Pigs =====
 +Yes, but what my good friend seems to have forgotten
 +is that their are only a handful of pig names, and
 +that pigs will happy plaguarise anything they see.
 +So all you need do is ensure that every pig in the
 +network has the same name, and they will all insist
 +that the groups'​ work is solely their own efforts, and
 +so work singlemindedly towards the desired end.
 +Not gentlemanly,​ but what can be expected of an animal
 +we import from Wales?
 +Both of you fine gentlemen know far more about pig research than I and I bow to your
 +superiority. You will now certainly see how I got myself into such a dither with Sally'​s
 +stupid swine. I did not understand the intricacies of her work nor the politics of working
 +with pigs. The latter I learned in far more detail when seconded to work for the UN but
 +that's another tale.
 +All I knew was that I had a job to do and I thought I would be able to do it - Sally had taken
 +a long weekend trip away with her beau and had asked me to check in on her pig and make
 +sure he was fed while she was away. To be, frank I had my mind on other things - I was soon
 +to be finished and was planning my application for a position in a research group located in
 +the Bahamas. I was concentrating on the selection criteria and I blame the ridiculous question
 +number 17: Have you or do you intend to ever raise white rhinos in captivity? My speciality was
 +dark and dreary swamps in northern outer Mongolia. I hardly saw the relevance, especially when
 +the job was Senior Advisor to the President of the Centre for Lumpy Fluids.
 +I should have noticed as soon as I entered her lab. Even now, I kick myself at my absent-
 +mindedness. I entered what was usually a gently noisy place filled with the distinct hum of
 +information being collected,​written down and transferred. That day it was deadly silent. My thoughts
 +were elsewhere and all I felt was relief - usually I was slightly nauseated by the electromagnetic
 +radiation of the information transfer across the network, between the pigs. I looked around for George,
 +Sally'​s main piggish subject. He was in the pen in the corner where he normally was but that day he had
 +replaced his constant sneer with a leering grin. Still, I did not think this was odd!! Naively I walked into
 +his trap.
 +The end.\\
 + --- //​[[|Peter Cobcroft]] 08/06/2005 16:10//
roleplaying/munchausen/tale_of_the_lost_pig.txt · Last modified: 2005/11/22 17:59 (external edit)