Rhandom Quotes
Phoenix Command
“Ma, when I said I wanted a new Cap and Ball, I meant a gun!”
- Mean Marc MacMyer
“What we need in this town is more Law and Order.”
“What we need in this town is more gallows.”
“Well, I guess what we really need in this town is a bigger cemetery.”
- Mayor Winterbotham
“Well, if Tex has four Aces, Ralph has four Aces, and I have four Aces, I figure that one of us is probably cheating.”
- Gus
“By sundown? I'm sorry, I just don't see how I can do it. I have my horse to shoe, laundry to pick up, packing still to do…. How about if I get out of town by, say, Thursday evening, Friday morning at the latest?”
- Killer Keith MacMyer
“Of course I joined the outlaws. They have the coolest outfits.”
- Tex
“Hey kid, you're too young to use a Chainsaw. How about a nice blender or something?”
- Sergeant Servo
“Alright, I want a clean fight. No hitting below the belt. Begin”
BLAM!
“Hmm. Well, that's not quite what I had in mind, but nice shot. It appeared we have a new heavyweight champion.”
- B. Toast
“I've never shot a man who wasn't at the end of my bayonet.”
- Bayonet Pete, a man largely unclear on small arms tactics
“…and if the bayonet becomes stuck, you can always free the weapon by firing it.”
- Field Marshall Paul Maul's Tactical Manual
“How do you expect me to fight with this helmet on? And this ammo weighs a ton!”
- Humbert NoDose
“If you can't dazzle them with style, riddle them with bullets”
“…And if you can't riddle them with bullets, fry them like an egg.”
- Corely Norris
“I would, but my ankle hurts.”
- Humbert NoDose
“This war will not end until there is Just Us!”
- Ictentrid O'Reilly
“It is better to have fought and died, than never to have fought at all…
well maybe not.”
- Din the Decisive
“Don't think of it as being vastly outnumbered, think of it as having a very wide shot selection.”
- Generalissimo Puerco, President for Life
“Is it supposed to smoke like this?”
- Trebor Nawoc
“Grenade? Where?”
- Bruce the Blind
“For a lasting victory, we must bury their hearts and minds.”
- Paul Maul
“Join the Army…where everyday could be your last!”
- Sgt. Ingram
“Listen, when I want your opinion, I'll tell you what it is.”
- Sgt. Ingram
“I think I'm allergic to war.”
- Din the Decisive
“Once you've pulled the pin out of Mr. Grenade, he is no longer your friend.”
- Sgt. Servo
“Who died and made you Lieutenant?”
“Listen, Lieutenant; No food, No fight.”
“Listen Lieutenant, we either do it my way or I'll have to shoot you.”
- Sgt. Servo
“Well, at least I have a hobby.”
- Pete the Pyromaniac
“Well, you can either surrender…or you can become a human hibachi.”
- The Torch Patrol
“Violence is Golden.”
- Corely Norris
Crunch. Snap. Rattle.
“The only surprise in this attack is that they haven't opened fire on us yet.”
- Daclod McDraco, Commando Extraordinaire
“Well, perhaps you shouldn't have believed him when he told you his gun was empty. He's the ENEMY.”
- Lt. Derek
“Sarge, I've gotten both of my arms disabled again. What are the rules for Primary and Off-Foot shooting?”
- Private Lefty
“I don't think they'll come out of their bunker…even if we ask them nicely.”
- Private Humbert
“Have you finished cleaning Gerfel off the tank yet?”
- Draclod McDraco Tank Commander Extraordinaire
“No retreat, no surrender…most of the time.”
- Din the Decisive
“Boyar hasn't returned from patrol, sir. He's still bouncing around the minefield.”
- Corporal Nawoc
“How bad am I hurt?”
- Boyar
“Well, we're treating your case as an Impending Homicide”
- Officer Eric
“The richer you are, the cheaper life becomes.”
- Norman Steele
“You only think you're winning because you have more guns and more ammunition. We have more casualties.”
- Humbert No-Dose
“I'll distract him with idle conversation. You blow him up.”
- Lindsey
“Don't put off until tomorrow what you can demolish today.”
- Corley Norris
“He sent his sympathies…postage due.”
- O. Man
“Well, you missed the enemy, but that tree will never be the same.”
- Derek
“I don't think any of us will ever forget Louie. Ever since the explosion there's a little piece of him on all of us.”
- Trebor Nawoc
“One more word out of you, and you'll be our next adjustment shot.”
- Field Marshal Paul Maul
“There's a surprise out there with your name on it. Your name is Claymore, isn't it?”
- Sgt. Ingram
“Look on the bright side. Dying is the next best thing to living.”
- Sgt. Strict
“Sorry, Captain, but it sure didn't look like a friendly aircraft from here.”
- Schnurda
“Fine, shoot off my other leg. See if I care.”
- Ridan
“Don't make me blow you up.”
- Kyle the Walking Claymore
“If all of your friends threw themselves on grenades, would you do it too?”
- Sgt. Servo
“Of course they're loyal to me. I have the best troops money can buy.”
- Corely Norris
“Look, I went off duty 10 minutes ago. You shoot him.”
- Officer Eric
“I do not consider you expendable. You are just easily replaced.”
- Captain Austin Blackwell
“Shape up or get shot.”
- Captain Austin Blackwell
“There is no such thing as Overkill.”
- Corely Norris
“Never admit defeat. Just blame it on someone else.”
- Sgt. Servo
“It's true that I don't like you. But being ordered to kill you is just a happy coincidence.”
- Sgt. Servo
“Wait a minute. This smacks of Morality and Democracy.”
- Hurlo Squidicus
“How do you expect me to hit anything when they all keep moving?”
- Humbert No-Dose
“He was wrong, so I shot him. Where's the harm in that?”
- Hamilcar
Blam. Blam. Blam. Click. Click.
“Stop Police”
- Officer Cord Roberts (AKA “Rip-Cord”)
“No one ever won a war by spending his economy into bankruptcy. He won the war by making the other poor dumb guy spend his economy into bankruptcy.”
- Marshall Paul “Blood 'n Bucks” Maul
“Yes, we have a high Kill Ratio. I only wish it was in our favor.”
- Gerfel
“There is a time and a place for everything, except peace.”
- Corely Norris
“If you don't shoot me, I'll be your best friend.”
- S. Silver
“This whole 'fair fight' thing is nice in theory, but if we actually implement it, we could get hurt.”
- Humbert
“There's a place in this war for everyone. Your's just happens to be six feet under.”
- Captain Austin D. Blackwell
“You want to try to hit many people with one bullet each, not one person with all of your bullets.”
- Lt. Derek
“You're not qualified to supervise. You don't have a whistle.”
- Schnurda
“A soldier's life may seem glamorous; mindless violence, endless drill, years of war and gut-wrenching hardship…but there's a lot more to it than that.”
- Sgt. Ingram
“If the attack works, we're all heroes. If not, we'll get a group discount at the cemetary.”
- Draclod McDraco
“I'd like to think I was being shot by a better class of person.”
- Trebor Nawac
“Targets can't be choosers.”
- Corely Norris
“If God hadn't meant them to be stepped on he wouldn't have given me feet.”
- Captain Austin D. Blackwell
“People - you can't live with them, you can't kill enough of them to make a difference.”
- Norman Steele
“People - you can't live with them, you can't hit them in the head with a ten pound rock.”
- Trebor
“You'll know when I'm talking to you, because my gun will be pointing at you.”
- Captain Austin D. Blackwell
“You'd know if I thought it was your fault because you'd be dead.”
- Captain Austin D. Blackwell
“I've made my decision and I'm standing by it… if that's OK with everyone else.”
- Private Humbert
“They're shooting back. This is not my idea of a fair fight.”
- Ridan
“Well, Major, I don't think it would be fair to you as a person for me to respect you until I get to know you better.”
- Sgt. Servo
“I knew I'd get shot at when I enlisted. I just didn't think I'd get hit.”
- Gerfel
“I'm not interested in making new friends. I don't even like the ones I have.”
- Captain Austin D. Blackwell
“Is that an order, sir, or are you just being rude?”
- Sgt. Servo
“You may have superior weaponry, but you're also out of ammo, and I've still got plenty of rocks.”
- Norman Steele
“He who laughs last gets shot first.”
- Corely Norris
“If I weren't so badly wounded and you weren't so much bigger than I am, I might take offense to that. ”
- Din the Decisive
“You can stop being useless now. The crisis has passed.”
- Derek
“I wouldn't mind getting mauled by wild animals so often if it didn't hurt so much.”
- Bwana Dick
“You've got the safari hat, so you'll be our animal expert.”
- Gordon Stauffer, Ranger
“Why would I want more troops? Some of the ones I have here are still alive.”
- Ictentrid O'Reilly
“At first it really hurt, like somebody had thrown a spear through my head. But it turned out it was just a javelin.”
- Darantz
“Was that your last bullet? OK then, you're under arrest.”
- Officer Eric