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+====== TRAVELS OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN ======
+===== CHAPTER XXXIII =====
+//The Baron goes to Petersburgh, and converses with the Empress--
+Persuades the Russians and Turks to cease cutting one another's
+throats, and in concert cut a canal across the Isthmus of Suez--
+The Baron discovers the Alexandrine Library, and meets with Hermes
+Trismegistus--Besieges Seringapatam, and challenges Tippoo Sahib
+to single combat--They fight--The Baron receives some wounds to
+his face, but at last vanquishes the tyrant--The Baron returns to
+Europe, and raises the hull of the "Royal George."//
+Seized with a fury of canal-cutting, I took it in my head to form an
+immediate communication between the Mediterranean and the Red Sea, and
+therefore set out for Petersburgh.
+The sanguinary ambition of the Empress would not listen to my
+proposals, until I took a private opportunity, taking a cup of coffee
+with her Majesty, to tell her that I would absolutely sacrifice myself
+for the general good of mankind, and if she would accede to my
+proposals, would, on the completion of the canal, //ipso facto//, give
+her my hand in marriage!
+"My dear, dear Baron," said she, "I accede to everything you please,
+and agree to make peace with the Porte on the conditions you mention.
+And," added she, rising with all the majesty of the Czarina, Empress
+of half the world, "be it known to all subjects, that We ordain these
+conditions, for such is our royal will and pleasure."
+I now proceeded to the Isthmus of Suez, at the head of a million of
+Russian pioneers, and there united my forces with a million of Turks,
+armed with shovels and pickaxes. They did not come to cut each other's
+throats, but for their mutual interest, to facilitate commerce and
+civilisation, and pour all the wealth of India by a new channel into
+Europe. "My brave fellows," said I, "consider the immense labour of
+the Chinese to build their celebrated wall; think of what superior
+benefit to mankind is our present undertaking; persevere, and fortune
+will second your endeavours. Remember it is Munchausen who leads you
+on, and be convinced of success."
+Saying these words, I drove my chariot with all my might in my former
+track, that vestige mentioned by the Baron de Tott, and when I was
+advanced considerably, I felt my chariot sinking under me. I attempted
+to drive on, but the ground, or rather immense vault, giving way, my
+chariot and all went down precipitately. Stunned by the fall, it was
+some moments before I could recollect myself, when at length, to my
+amazement, I perceived myself fallen into the Alexandrine Library,
+overwhelmed in an ocean of books; thousands of volumes came tumbling
+on my head amidst the ruins of that part of the vault through which my
+chariot had descended, and for a time buried my bulls and all beneath
+a heap of learning. However, I contrived to extricate myself, and
+advanced with awful admiration through the vast avenues of the
+library. I perceived on every side innumerable volumes and
+repositories of ancient learning, and all the science of the
+Antediluvian world. Here I met with Hermes Trismegistus, and a parcel
+of old philosophers debating upon the politics and learning of their
+days. I gave them inexpressible delight in telling them, in a few
+words, all the discoveries of Newton, and the history of the world
+since their time. These gentry, on the contrary, told me a thousand
+stories of antiquity that some of our antiquarians would give their
+very eyes to hear.
+In short, I ordered the library to be preserved, and I intend making a
+present of it, as soon as it arrives in England, to the Royal Society,
+together with Hermes Trismegistus, and half a dozen old philosophers.
+I have got a beautiful cage made, in which I keep these extraordinary
+creatures, and feed them with bread and honey, as they seem to believe
+in a kind of doctrine of transmigration, and will not touch flesh.
+Hermes Trismegistus especially is a most antique looking being, with a
+beard half a yard long, covered with a robe of golden embroidery, and
+prates like a parrot. He will cut a very brilliant figure in the
+Museum.
+Having made a track with my chariot from sea to sea, I ordered my
+Turks and Russians to begin, and in a few hours we had the pleasure of
+seeing a fleet of British East Indiamen in full sail through the
+canal. The officers of this fleet were very polite, and paid me every
+applause and congratulation my exploits could merit. They told me of
+their affairs in India, and the ferocity of that dreadful warrior,
+Tippoo Sahib, on which I resolved to go to India and encounter the
+tyrant. I travelled down the Red Sea to Madras, and at the head of a
+few Sepoys and Europeans pursued the flying army of Tippoo to the
+gates of Seringapatam. I challenged him to mortal combat, and, mounted
+on my steed, rode up to the walls of the fortress amidst a storm of
+shells and cannon-balls. As fast as the bombs and cannon-balls came
+upon me, I caught them in my hands like so many pebbles, and throwing
+them against the fortress, demolished the strongest ramparts of the
+place. I took my mark so direct, that whenever I aimed a cannon-ball
+or a shell at any person on the ramparts I was sure to hit him: and
+one time perceiving a tremendous piece of artillery pointed against
+me, and knowing the ball must be so great it would certainly stun me,
+I took a small cannon-ball, and just as I perceived the engineer going
+to order them to fire, and opening his mouth to give the word of
+command, I took aim and drove my ball precisely down his throat.
+Tippoo, fearing that all would be lost, that a general and successful
+storm would ensue if I continued to batter the place, came forth upon
+his elephant to fight me; I saluted him, and insisted he should fire
+first.
+Tippoo, though a barbarian, was not deficient in politeness, and
+declined the compliment; upon which I took off my hat, and bowing,
+told him it was an advantage Munchausen should never be said to accept
+from so gallant a warrior: on which Tippoo instantly discharged his
+carbine, the ball from which, hitting my horse's ear, made him plunge
+with rage and indignation. In return I discharged my pistol at Tippoo,
+and shot off his turban. He had a small field-piece mounted with him
+on his elephant, which he then discharged at me, and the grape-shot
+coming in a shower, rattled in the laurels that covered and shaded me
+all over, and remained pendant like berries on the branches. I then,
+advancing, took the proboscis of his elephant, and turning it against
+the rider, struck him repeatedly with the extremity of it on either
+side of the head, until I at length dismounted him. Nothing could
+equal the rage of the barbarian finding himself thrown from his
+elephant. He rose in a fit of despair, and rushed against my steed and
+myself: but I scorned to fight him at so great a disadvantage on his
+side, and directly dismounted to fight him hand to hand. Never did I
+fight with any man who bore himself more nobly than this adversary; he
+parried my blows, and dealt home his own in return with astonishing
+precision. The first blow of his sabre I received upon the bridge of
+my nose, and but for the bony firmness of that part of my face, it
+would have descended to my mouth. I still bear the mark upon my nose.
+He next made a furious blow at my head, but I, parrying, deadened the
+force of his sabre, so that I received but one scar on my forehead,
+and at the same instant, by a blow of my sword, cut off his arm, and
+his hand and sabre fell to the earth; he tottered for some paces, and
+dropped at the foot of his elephant. That sagacious animal, seeing the
+danger of his master, endeavoured to protect him by flourishing his
+proboscis round the head of the Sultan.
+Fearless I advanced against the elephant, desirous to take alive the
+haughty Tippoo Sahib; but he drew a pistol from his belt, and
+discharged it full in my face as I rushed upon him, which did me no
+further harm than wound my cheek-bone, which disfigures me somewhat
+under my left eye. I could not withstand the rage and impulse of that
+moment, and with one blow of my sword separated his head from his
+body.
+I returned overland from India to Europe with admirable velocity, so
+that the account of Tippoo's defeat by me has not as yet arrived by
+the ordinary passage, nor can you expect to hear of it for a
+considerable time. I simply relate the encounter as it happened
+between the Sultan and me; and if there be any one who doubts the
+truth of what I say, he is an infidel, and I will fight him at any
+time and place, and with any weapon he pleases.
+Hearing so many persons talk about raising the "Royal George," I began
+to take pity on that fine old ruin of British plank, and determined to
+have her up. I was sensible of the failure of the various means
+hitherto employed for the purpose, and therefore inclined to try a
+method different from any before attempted. I got an immense balloon,
+made of the toughest sail-cloth, and having descended in my diving-
+bell, and properly secured the hull with enormous cables, I ascended
+to the surface, and fastened my cables to the balloon. Prodigious
+multitudes were assembled to behold the elevation of the "Royal
+George," and as soon as I began to fill my balloon with inflammable
+air the vessel evidently began to move: but when my balloon was
+completely filled, she carried up the "Royal George" with the greatest
+rapidity. The vessel appearing on the surface occasioned a universal
+shout of triumph from the millions assembled on the occasion. Still
+the balloon continued ascending, trailing the hull after like a
+lantern at the tail of a kite, and in a few minutes appeared floating
+among the clouds.
+It was then the opinion of many philosophers that it would be more
+difficult to get her down then it had been to draw her up. But I
+convinced them to the contrary by taking my aim so exactly with a
+twelve-pounder, that I brought her down in an instant.
+I considered, that if I should break the balloon with a cannon-ball
+while she remained with the vessel over the land, the fall would
+inevitable occasion the destruction of the hull, and which, in its
+fall, might crush some of the multitude; therefore I thought it safer
+to take my aim when the balloon was over the sea, and pointing my
+twelve-pounder, drove the ball right through the balloon, on which the
+inflammable air rushed out with great force, and the "Royal George"
+descended like a falling star into the very spot from whence she had
+been taken. There she still remains, and I have convinced all Europe
+of the possibility of taking her up.
+----
+Go to [[CHAPTER XXXIV]]