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+====== TRAVELS OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN ======
+===== CHAPTER XXXI =====
+//A litigated contention between Don Quixote, Gog, Magog, &c.--A
+grand court assembled upon it--The appearance of the company--The
+matrons, judges, &c.--The method of writing, and the use of the
+fashionable amusement quizzes--Wauwau arrives from the country of
+Prester John, and leads the whole Assembly a wild-goose chase to
+the top of Plinlimmon, and thence to Virginia--The Baron meets a
+floating island in his voyage to America--Pursues Wauwau with his
+whole company through the deserts of North America--His curious
+contrivance to seize Wauwau in a morass.//
+The contention between Gog and Magog, and Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos,
+the Lord Whittington, &c., was productive of infinite litigation. All
+the lawyers in the kingdom were employed, to render the affair as
+complex and gloriously uncertain as possible; and, in fine, the whole
+nation became interested, and were divided on both sides of the
+question. Colossus took the part of Sphinx, and the affair was at
+length submitted to the decision of a grand council in a great hall,
+adorned with seats on every side in form of an amphitheatre. The
+assembly appeared the most magnificent and splendid in the world. A
+court or jury of one hundred matrons occupied the principal and most
+honourable part of the amphitheatre; they were dressed in flowing
+robes of sky-blue velvet adorned with festoons of brilliants and
+diamond stars; grave and sedate-looking matrons, all in uniform, with
+spectacles upon their noses; and opposite to these were placed one
+hundred judges, with curly white wigs flowing down on each side of
+them to their very feet, so that Solomon in all his glory was not so
+wise in appearance. At the ardent request of the whole empire I
+condescended to be the president of the court, and being arrayed
+accordingly, I took my seat beneath a canopy erected in the centre.
+Before every judge was placed a square inkstand, containing a gallon
+of ink, and pens of a proportionable size; and also right before him
+an enormous folio, so large as to serve for table and book at the same
+time. But they did not make much use of their pens and ink, except to
+blot and daub the paper; for, that they should be the more impartial,
+I had ordered that none but the blind should be honoured with the
+employment: so that when they attempted to write anything, they
+uniformly dipped their pens into the machine containing sand, and
+having scrawled over a page as they thought, desiring them to dry it
+with sand, would spill half a gallon of ink upon the paper, and
+thereby daubing their fingers, would transfer the ink to their face
+whenever thy leaned their cheek upon their hand for greater gravity.
+As to the matrons, to prevent an eternal prattle that would drown all
+manner of intelligibility, I found it absolutely necessary to sew up
+their mouths; so that between the blind judges and the dumb matrons
+methought the trial had a chance of being terminated sooner than it
+otherwise would. The matrons, instead of their tongues, had other
+instruments to convey their ideas: each of them had three quizzes, one
+quiz pendent from the string that sewed up her mouth, and another quiz
+in either hand. When she wished to express her negative, she darted
+and recoiled the quizzes in her right and left hand; and when she
+desired to express her affirmative, she, nodding, made the quiz
+pendent from her mouth flow down and recoil again. The trial proceeded
+in this manner for a long time, to the admiration of the whole empire,
+when at length I thought proper to send to my old friend and ally,
+Prester John, entreating him to forward to me one of the species of
+wild and curious birds found in his kingdom, called a Wauwau. This
+creature was brought over the great bridge before mentioned, from the
+interior of Africa, by a balloon. The balloon was placed upon the
+bridge, extending over the parapets on each side, with great wings or
+oars to assist its velocity, and under the balloon was placed pendant
+a kind of boat, in which were the persons to manage the steerage of
+the machine, and protect Wauwau. This oracular bird, arriving in
+England, instantly darted through one of the windows of the great
+hall, and perched upon the canopy in the centre to the admiration of
+all present. Her cackling appeared quite prophetic and oracular; and
+the first question proposed to her by the unanimous consent of the
+matrons and judges was, Whether or not the moon was composed of green
+cheese? The solution of this question was deemed absolutely necessary
+before they could proceed farther on the trial.
+Wauwau seemed in figure not very much differing from a swan, except
+that the neck was not near so long, and she stood after an admirable
+fashion like to Vestris. She began cackling most sonorously, and the
+whole assembly agreed that it was absolutely necessary to catch her,
+and having her in their immediate possession, nothing more would be
+requisite for the termination of this litigated affair. For this
+purpose the whole house rose up to catch her, and approached in
+tumult, the judges brandishing their pens, and shaking their big wigs,
+and the matrons quizzing as much as possible in every direction, which
+very much startled Wauwau, who, clapping her wings, instantly flew out
+of the hall. The assembly began to proceed after her in order and
+style of precedence, together with my whole train of Gog and Magog,
+Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos, Queen Mab's chariot, the bulls and crickets,
+&c., preceded by bands of music; while Wauwau, descending on the
+earth, ran on like an ostrich before the troop, cackling all the way.
+Thinking suddenly to catch this ferocious animal, the judges and
+matrons would suddenly quicken their pace, but the creature would as
+quickly outrun them, or sometimes fly away for many miles together,
+and then alight to take breath until we came within sight of her
+again. Our train journeyed over a most prodigious tract of country in
+a direct line, over hills and dales, to the summit of Plinlimmon,
+where we thought to have seized Wauwau; but she instantly took flight,
+and never ceased until she arrived at the mouth of the Potomac river
+in Virginia.
+Our company immediately embarked in the machines before described, in
+which we had journeyed into Africa, and after a few days' sail arrived
+in North America. We met with nothing curious on our voyage, except a
+floating island, containing some very delightful villages, inhabited
+by a few whites and negroes; the sugar cane did not thrive there well,
+on account, as I was informed, of the variety of the climates; the
+island being sometimes driven up as far as the north pole, and at
+other times wafted under the equinoctial. In pity to the poor
+islanders, I got a huge stake of iron, and driving it through the
+centre of the island, fastened it to the rocks and mud at the bottom
+of the sea, since which time the island has become stationary, and is
+well known at present by the name of St. Christopher's, and there is
+not an island in the world more secure.
+Arriving in North America, we were received by the President of the
+United States with every honour and politeness. He was pleased to give
+us all the information possible relative to the woods and immense
+regions of America, and ordered troops of the different tribes of the
+Esquimaux to guide us through the forests in pursuit of Wauwau, who,
+we at length found, had taken refuge in the centre of a morass. The
+inhabitants of the country, who loved hunting, were much delighted to
+behold the manner in which we attempted to seize upon Wauwau; the
+chase was noble and uncommon. I determined to surround the animal on
+every side, and for this purpose ordered the judges and matrons to
+surround the morass with nets extending a mile in height, on various
+parts of which net the company disposed themselves, floating in the
+air like so many spiders upon their cobwebs. Magog, at my command, put
+on a kind of armour that he had carried with him for the purpose,
+corselet of steel, with gauntlets, helmet, &c., so as nearly to
+resemble a mole. He instantly plunged into the earth, making way with
+his sharp steel head-piece, and tearing up the ground with his iron
+claws, and found not much difficulty therein, as morass in general is
+of a soft and yielding texture. Thus he hoped to undermine Wauwau, and
+suddenly rising, seize her by the foot, while his brother Gog ascended
+the air in a balloon, hoping to catch her if she could escape Magog.
+Thus the animal was surrounded on every side, and at first was very
+much terrified, knowing not which way she had best to go. At length
+hearing an obscure noise under ground, Wauwau took flight before Magog
+could have time to catch her by the foot. She flew to the right, then
+to the left, north, east, west, and south, but found on every side the
+company prepared upon their nets. At length she flew right up, soaring
+at a most astonishing rate towards the sun, while the company on every
+side set up one general acclamation. But Gog in his balloon soon
+stopped Wauwau in the midst of her career, and snared her in a net,
+the cords of which he continued to hold in his hand. Wauwau did not
+totally lose her presence of mind, but after a little consideration,
+made several violent darts against the volume of the balloon; so
+fierce, as at length to tear open a great space, on which the
+inflammable air rushing out, the whole apparatus began to tumble to
+the earth with amazing rapidity. Gog himself was thrown out of the
+vehicle, and letting go the reins of the net, Wauwau got liberty
+again, and flew out of sight in an instant.
+Gog had been above a mile elevated from the earth when he began to
+fall, and as he advanced the rapidity increased, so that he went like
+a ball from a cannon into the morass, and his nose striking against
+one of the iron-capped hands of his brother Magog, just then rising
+from the depths, he began to bleed violently, and, but for the
+softness of the morass, would have lost his life.
+----
+Go to [[CHAPTER XXXII]]