roleplaying:munchausen:chapter_xxvi
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+ | ====== TRAVELS OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN ====== | ||
+ | ===== CHAPTER XXVI ===== | ||
+ | |||
+ | //A feast on live bulls and kava--The inhabitants admire the | ||
+ | European adventurers--The Emperor comes to meet the Baron, and | ||
+ | pays him great compliments--The inhabitants of the centre of | ||
+ | Africa descended from the people of the moon proved by an | ||
+ | inscription in Africa, and by the analogy of their language, which | ||
+ | is also the same with that of the ancient Scythians--The Baron is | ||
+ | declared sovereign of the interior of Africa on the decease of the | ||
+ | Emperor--He endeavours to abolish the custom of eating live bulls, | ||
+ | which excites much discontent--The advice of Hilaro Frosticos upon | ||
+ | the occasion--The Baron makes a speech to an Assembly of the | ||
+ | states, which only excites greater murmurs--He consults with | ||
+ | Hilaro Frosticos.// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Having passed over the nearest mountains we entered a delightful vale, | ||
+ | where we perceived a multitude of persons at a feast of living bulls, | ||
+ | whose flesh they cut away with great knives, making a table of the | ||
+ | creature' | ||
+ | animal. Nothing seemed requisite to add to the barbarity of this feast | ||
+ | but //kava//, made as described in Cook's voyages, and at the conclusion | ||
+ | of the feast we perceived them brewing this liquor, which they drank | ||
+ | with the utmost avidity. From that moment, inspired with an idea of | ||
+ | universal benevolence, | ||
+ | live flesh and drinking of kava. But I knew that such a thing could | ||
+ | not be immediately effected, whatever in future time might be | ||
+ | performed. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Having rested ourselves during a few days, we determined to set out | ||
+ | towards the principal city of the empire. The singularity of our | ||
+ | appearance was spoken of all over the country as a phenomenon. The | ||
+ | multitude looked upon Sphinx, the bulls, the crickets, the balloons, | ||
+ | and the whole company, as something more than terrestrial, | ||
+ | especially the thunder of our fire-arms, which struck horror and | ||
+ | amazement into the whole nation. | ||
+ | |||
+ | We at length arrived at the metropolis, situated on the banks of a | ||
+ | noble river, and the emperor, attended by all his court, came out in | ||
+ | grand procession to meet us. The emperor appeared mounted on a | ||
+ | dromedary, royally caparisoned, | ||
+ | through respect for his Majesty. He was rather above the middle | ||
+ | stature of that country, four feet three inches in height, with a | ||
+ | countenance, | ||
+ | preceded by a band of most exquisite music, according to the fashion | ||
+ | of the country, and his whole retinue halted within about fifty paces | ||
+ | of our troop. We returned the salute by a discharge of musketry, and a | ||
+ | flourish of our trumpets and martial music. I commanded our caravan to | ||
+ | halt, and dismounting, | ||
+ | towards his Majesty. The emperor was equally polite, and descending | ||
+ | from his dromedary, advanced to meet me. "I am happy," | ||
+ | have the honour to receive so illustrious a traveller, and assure you | ||
+ | that everything in my empire shall be at your disposal." | ||
+ | |||
+ | I thanked his Majesty for his politeness, and expressed how happy I | ||
+ | was to meet so polished and refined a people in the centre of Africa, | ||
+ | and that I hoped to show myself and company grateful for his esteem, | ||
+ | by introducing the arts and sciences of Europe among the people. | ||
+ | |||
+ | I immediately perceived the true descent of this people, which does | ||
+ | not appear of terrestrial origin, but descended from some of the | ||
+ | inhabitants of the moon, because the principal language spoken there, | ||
+ | and in the centre of Africa, is very nearly the same. Their alphabet | ||
+ | and method of writing are pretty much the same, and show the extreme | ||
+ | antiquity of this people, and their exalted origin. I here give you a | ||
+ | specimen of their writing [//Vide Otrckocsus de Orig. Hung.// p. 46]:-- | ||
+ | Stregnah, dna skoohtop. | ||
+ | |||
+ | These characters I have submitted to the inspection of a celebrated | ||
+ | antiquarian, | ||
+ | in his next volume, what an immediate intercourse there must have been | ||
+ | between the inhabitants of the moon and the ancient Scythians, which | ||
+ | Scythians did not by any means inhabit a part of Russia, but the | ||
+ | central part of Africa, as I can abundantly prove to my very learned | ||
+ | and laborious friend. The above words, written in our characters, are | ||
+ | //Sregnah dna skoohtop//; that is, The Scythians are of heavenly origin. | ||
+ | The word // | ||
+ | //sreg// or //sre//, whence our present English word sire, or sir: and | ||
+ | //nah//, or //gnah//, knowledge, because the Scythians united the | ||
+ | essentials of nobility and learning together: //dna// signifies heaven, | ||
+ | or belonging to the moon, from //duna//, who was anciently worshipped as | ||
+ | goddess of that luminary. And // | ||
+ | beginning of anything, from //skoo//, the name used in the moon for a | ||
+ | point in geometry, and //top// or //htop//, vegetation. These words are | ||
+ | inscribed at this day upon a pyramid in the centre of Africa, nearly | ||
+ | at the source of the river Niger; and if any one refuses his assent, | ||
+ | he may go there to be convinced. | ||
+ | |||
+ | The emperor conducted me to his court amidst the admiration of his | ||
+ | courtiers, and paid us every possible politeness that African | ||
+ | magnificence could bestow. He never presumed to proceed on any | ||
+ | expedition without consulting us, and looking upon us as a species of | ||
+ | superior beings, paid the greatest respect to our opinions. He | ||
+ | frequently asked me about the states of Europe, and the kingdom of | ||
+ | Great Britain, and appeared lost in admiration at the account I gave | ||
+ | him of our shipping, and the immensity of the ocean. We taught him to | ||
+ | regulate the government nearly on the same plan with the British | ||
+ | constitution, | ||
+ | His majesty was the last of his royal line, and on his decease, with | ||
+ | the unanimous consent of the people, made me heir to the whole empire. | ||
+ | The nobility and chiefs of the country immediately waited upon me with | ||
+ | petitions, entreating me to accept the government. I consulted with my | ||
+ | noble friends, Gog and Magog, &c., and after much consultation it was | ||
+ | agreed that I should accept the government, not as actual and | ||
+ | independent monarch of the place, but as viceroy to his Majesty of | ||
+ | England. | ||
+ | |||
+ | I now thought it high time to do away the custom of eating of live | ||
+ | flesh and drinking of kava, and for that purpose used every persuasive | ||
+ | method to wean the majority of the people from it. This, to my | ||
+ | astonishment, | ||
+ | looked with jealousy at those strangers who wanted to make innovations | ||
+ | among them. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Nevertheless, | ||
+ | could be capable of such barbarity. I did everything that a heart | ||
+ | fraught with universal benevolence and good will to all mankind could | ||
+ | be capable of desiring. I first tried every method of persuasion and | ||
+ | incitement. I did not harshly reprove them, but I invited frequently | ||
+ | whole thousands to dine, after the fashion of Europe, upon roasted | ||
+ | meat. Alas, 'twas all in vain! my goodness nearly excited a sedition. | ||
+ | They murmured among themselves, spoke of my intentions, my wild and | ||
+ | ambitious views, as if I, O heaven! could have had any personal | ||
+ | interested motive in making them live like men, rather than like | ||
+ | crocodiles and tigers. In fine, perceiving that gentleness could be of | ||
+ | no avail, well knowing that when complaisance can effect nothing from | ||
+ | some spirits, compulsion excites respect and veneration, I prohibited, | ||
+ | under the pain of the severest penalties, the drinking of kava, or | ||
+ | eating of live flesh, for the space of nine days, within the districts | ||
+ | of Angalinar and Paphagalna. | ||
+ | |||
+ | But this created such an universal abhorrence and detestation of my | ||
+ | government, that my ministers, and even myself, were universally | ||
+ | pasquinadoed; | ||
+ | upon the name of Munchausen wherever it was mentioned; and in fine, | ||
+ | there never was a government so much detested, or with such little | ||
+ | reason. | ||
+ | |||
+ | In this dilemma I had recourse to the advice of my noble friend Hilaro | ||
+ | Frosticos. In his good sense I now expected some resource, for the | ||
+ | rest of the council, who had advised me to the former method, had | ||
+ | given but a poor specimen of their abilities and discernment, | ||
+ | should have succeeded more happily. In short, he addressed himself to | ||
+ | me and to the council as follows:-- | ||
+ | |||
+ | "It is in vain, most noble Munchausen, that your Excellency endeavours | ||
+ | to compel or force these people to a life to which they have never | ||
+ | been accustomed. In vain do you tell them that apple-pies, pudding, | ||
+ | roast beef, minced pies, or tarts, are delicious, that sugar is sweet, | ||
+ | that wine is exquisite. Alas! they cannot, they will not comprehend | ||
+ | what deliciousness is, what sweetness, or what the flavour of the | ||
+ | grape. And even if they were convinced of the superior excellence of | ||
+ | your way of life, never, never would they be persuaded; and that if | ||
+ | for no other reason, but because force or persuasion is employed to | ||
+ | induce them to it. Abandon that idea for the present, and let us try | ||
+ | another method. My opinion, therefore, is, that we should at once | ||
+ | cease all endeavours to compel or persuade them. But let us, if | ||
+ | possible, procure a quantity of //fudge// from England, and carelessly | ||
+ | scatter it over all the country; and from this disposal of matters I | ||
+ | presume--nay, | ||
+ | people from horror and barbarity." | ||
+ | |||
+ | Had this been proposed at any other time, it would have been violently | ||
+ | opposed in the council; but now, when every other attempt had failed, | ||
+ | when there seemed no other resource, the majority willingly submitted | ||
+ | to they knew not what, for they absolutely had no idea of the manner, | ||
+ | the possibilities of success, or how they could bring matters to bear. | ||
+ | However, 'twas a scheme, and as such they submitted. For my part, I | ||
+ | listened with ecstasy to the words of Hilaro Frosticos, for I knew | ||
+ | that he had a most singular knowledge of human kind, and could humour | ||
+ | and persuade them on to their own happiness and universal good. | ||
+ | Therefore, according to the advice of Hilaro, I despatched a balloon | ||
+ | with four men over the desert to the Cape of Good Hope, with letters | ||
+ | to be forwarded to England, requiring, without delay, a few cargoes of | ||
+ | fudge. | ||
+ | |||
+ | The people had all this time remained in a general state of ferment | ||
+ | and murmur. Everything that rancour, low wit, and deplorable ignorance | ||
+ | could conceive to asperse my government, was put in execution. The | ||
+ | most worthy, even the most beneficent actions, everything that was | ||
+ | amiable, were perverted into opposition. | ||
+ | |||
+ | The heart of Munchausen was not made of such impenetrable stuff as to | ||
+ | be insensible to the hatred of even the most worthless wretch in the | ||
+ | whole kingdom; and once, at a general assembly of the states, filled | ||
+ | with an idea of such continued ingratitude, | ||
+ | possible, not, methought, beneath my dignity, to make them feel for | ||
+ | me: that the universal good and happiness of the people were all I | ||
+ | wished or desired; that if my actions had been mistaken, or improper | ||
+ | surmises formed, still I had no wish, no desire, but the public | ||
+ | welfare, &c. &c. &c. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Hilaro Frosticos was all this time much disturbed; he looked sternly | ||
+ | at me--he frowned, but I was so engrossed with the warmth of my heart, | ||
+ | my intentions, that I understood him not: in a minute I saw nothing | ||
+ | but as if through a cloud (such is the force of amiable sensibility)-- | ||
+ | lords, ladies, chiefs--the whole assembly seemed to swim before my | ||
+ | sight. The more I thought on my good intentions, the lampoons which so | ||
+ | much affected my delicacy, good nature, tenderness--I forgot myself--I | ||
+ | spoke rapid, violent--beneficence--fire--tenderness--alas! I melted | ||
+ | into tears! | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Pish! pish!" said Hilaro Frosticos. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Now, indeed, was my government lampooned, satirised, carribonadoed, | ||
+ | bepickled, and bedevilled. One day, with my arm full of lampoons, I | ||
+ | started up as Hilaro entered the room, the tears in my eyes: "Look, | ||
+ | look here, Hilaro!--how can I bear all this? It is impossible to | ||
+ | please them; I will leave the government--I cannot bear it! See what | ||
+ | pitiful anecdotes--what surmises: I will make my people feel for me--I | ||
+ | will leave the government!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | changed as if by magic! for I ever looked on Hilaro as a person so | ||
+ | experienced--such fortitude, such good sense. "There are three sails, | ||
+ | under the convoy of a frigate," | ||
+ | Cape, after a fortunate passage, laden with the fudge that we | ||
+ | demanded. No time is to be lost; let it be immediately conducted | ||
+ | hither, and distributed through the principal granaries of the | ||
+ | empire." | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | Go to [[CHAPTER XXVII]] | ||
+ | |||
roleplaying/munchausen/chapter_xxvi.txt · Last modified: 2005/11/22 18:03 by 127.0.0.1