To the Ladies, Katerina and Floria, To the Lord Peter, the Baronet Clive and the Captain Sir Robert, To the Honourable Hyacinth
There will, of course, be roast animal. What animal it is rather depends on the success of my hunting expedition. Could be penguin. Could be snark. Could be beaver, though its loss would be greatly abhorred. Could be cow (either Patagonian Devil-Cow, or plain old Jersey cow).
Baron Celsius don Barrow
You know, I've got a great recipe for Patagonian Devil-Cow, but it doesn't work with the usual. Tastes good with chicken though.
Sunday sounds good. I will bring a pair of bottles of curious vintage, and your cheerful company may well prevail upon me to recount the tale of their acquisition.
Do you know if any of your esteemed guests happen to both live in the vicinity of Ngunnawal, and be in possession and control of a vehicular conveyance large enough for a passenger? My own automobilic activities are sadly curtailed as The Missus is stealing our chariot for an expedition to Cities Southern.
Alas, sir, the nearest of our fellows typically resides in the lands of Lord Holt, and is renowned for his strong declaration that in any country the most interesting method of travel is by the public transportation - wherein one can learn much about the nature of the governance, population and politeness of the country's inhabitants. He maintains in the face of all queries that this is especially true of one's own land.
I would of course vouchsafe such passage as may be had in the care of mine own paramour, who is not without carriage of the horseless variety: But that it were she was otherwise engaged. She does intend to make choral entertainments in the company of other ladies of her ilk at the festival of folk. Some fifty barbershop singers of the distaff side known as the Brindabella Chorus. She does intend to leave from there to the house of von Barrow. I myself will be travelling mine own means, not having funds sufficient to attend the festival.
However, that being said, we could perchance make light of your travel burden after the convocation, taking you back to whence you came.
The first tale, is alas lost. It was asked by Baron Celsius of the Baronet Clive Masterly. However the majority of the next tale has been preserved-
Note from the chronicler Some portions of this tale are lost through misadventure. The scribe temporarily beheaded himself accidentally and required severe bandaging and a whipping for impertinence before he was able to continue with the dictation. Therefore the first several valuable minutes of the following tale are lost.
[Perhaps Captain Sir - you could tell us of the time you stopped the French Revolution with the aid of sponge cake, and the Eiffel Tower]
Captain Sir Robert did then ask Lady Floria, “Lady Fiona, pardon me, Floria. Lady Floria, I understand that you expressed an interest in rabbits before. Don't you in fact have your own stable of pure-bred Irish racing rabbits? Can you tell me about the events at the most recent rabbit racing carnival, and what the vultures had to do with the affair?”
Lady Floria enquired of the Hon. Hyacinth Dunckley, “I've heard that your something of a dab-hand with a spatula. Can you tell me how you learnt the noble art of Spatulating from a crippled monk in northern Bath?”
Asked by the Hon. Hyacinth of Lord Peter, “I'd like to ask about your discovery of the cure for the common cold and the reasons why you have hidden such a cure for all these years for all we who suffer so every winter.”
Lord Peter enquired of Lady Katerina du Barbershoppe, “Lady Katerina du Barbershoppe, perhaps you could tell of the time, with nothing but a tuning fork, you were able to stop the riots of the natives in Louisiana by forming a choral group?”
Finally Lady Katerina, the last in the round did ask of the host, Baron Celsius du Barrow, “I'd heard of you work in temperature in France. So how is it that you utilised the cheeses of France to invent a more modern thermometer than the old mercury thermometer?”
In which roast goat, roast vegetables and roast water was consumed.
After clearing the table, the nobles then present proceeded to tell further tales of great daring, starting with Baron Celsius again, the host. Baron Celsius notice a broken bottle and turned to Baronet Clive, “That reminds me of the time you were allowed to back out of a duel without losing honour, against the master swordsman, the Sultan of Turkey. I'd like to know how you got into the duel in the first place, as he's not a man to take offence lightly, or give it, and how the breaking bottles got you out of it.”
Baronet Clive Masterly then enquired of the Captain Sir Robert, “I hope this story can be kept… well I trust you to remember there are ladies present. It has been brought to my attention that you did in fact name your ship the Manly Physique with result that when travelling to Russia, Catherine the Great commandeered your ship. Could you explain how you got the ship back?”
Captain Sir Robert did then ask Lady Floria, “May I ask about your sister Fiona and the terrible events surrounding her capture by the pygmies of the Orenoko tribe?”
Lady Floria enquired of the Hon. Hyacinth Dunckley, “Your honourable lady Hyacinth, perhaps you could tell me the story of the time that you gave in, gave blood, gave up the ghost and didn't give a damn. And why that was so important to the national economy of China?”
Asked by the Hon. Hyacinth of Lord Peter, “I've been intrigued by certain whispers that I've heard about you, in particular where your wealth has come from, and I was wondering if you could tell me whether it is true that it has all come from exploits in the diamond mines of deepest, darkest, Africa, and where exactly the penguin comes into all that.”
Lord Peter enquired of Lady Katerina du Barbershoppe, “Perhaps you could regale us with the tale of how you avoided marriage with the Sultan that was going to happen earlier in the year with the aid of the very same Penguin that gave me my advice.”
Finally Lady Katerina, the last in the round did ask of the host, Baron Celsius du Barrow, “I've heard tell of your adventures with the Lithuanian Yak farmers and there's rumours it had ramifications for the English economy, perhaps you could expound on that a little further?”
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