roleplaying:munchausen:chapter_xxxi
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— | roleplaying:munchausen:chapter_xxxi [2005/11/22 18:03] (current) – created - external edit 127.0.0.1 | ||
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+ | ====== TRAVELS OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN ====== | ||
+ | ===== CHAPTER XXXI ===== | ||
+ | |||
+ | //A litigated contention between Don Quixote, Gog, Magog, &c.--A | ||
+ | grand court assembled upon it--The appearance of the company--The | ||
+ | matrons, judges, & | ||
+ | fashionable amusement quizzes--Wauwau arrives from the country of | ||
+ | Prester John, and leads the whole Assembly a wild-goose chase to | ||
+ | the top of Plinlimmon, and thence to Virginia--The Baron meets a | ||
+ | floating island in his voyage to America--Pursues Wauwau with his | ||
+ | whole company through the deserts of North America--His curious | ||
+ | contrivance to seize Wauwau in a morass.// | ||
+ | |||
+ | The contention between Gog and Magog, and Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos, | ||
+ | the Lord Whittington, | ||
+ | the lawyers in the kingdom were employed, to render the affair as | ||
+ | complex and gloriously uncertain as possible; and, in fine, the whole | ||
+ | nation became interested, and were divided on both sides of the | ||
+ | question. Colossus took the part of Sphinx, and the affair was at | ||
+ | length submitted to the decision of a grand council in a great hall, | ||
+ | adorned with seats on every side in form of an amphitheatre. The | ||
+ | assembly appeared the most magnificent and splendid in the world. A | ||
+ | court or jury of one hundred matrons occupied the principal and most | ||
+ | honourable part of the amphitheatre; | ||
+ | robes of sky-blue velvet adorned with festoons of brilliants and | ||
+ | diamond stars; grave and sedate-looking matrons, all in uniform, with | ||
+ | spectacles upon their noses; and opposite to these were placed one | ||
+ | hundred judges, with curly white wigs flowing down on each side of | ||
+ | them to their very feet, so that Solomon in all his glory was not so | ||
+ | wise in appearance. At the ardent request of the whole empire I | ||
+ | condescended to be the president of the court, and being arrayed | ||
+ | accordingly, | ||
+ | Before every judge was placed a square inkstand, containing a gallon | ||
+ | of ink, and pens of a proportionable size; and also right before him | ||
+ | an enormous folio, so large as to serve for table and book at the same | ||
+ | time. But they did not make much use of their pens and ink, except to | ||
+ | blot and daub the paper; for, that they should be the more impartial, | ||
+ | I had ordered that none but the blind should be honoured with the | ||
+ | employment: so that when they attempted to write anything, they | ||
+ | uniformly dipped their pens into the machine containing sand, and | ||
+ | having scrawled over a page as they thought, desiring them to dry it | ||
+ | with sand, would spill half a gallon of ink upon the paper, and | ||
+ | thereby daubing their fingers, would transfer the ink to their face | ||
+ | whenever thy leaned their cheek upon their hand for greater gravity. | ||
+ | As to the matrons, to prevent an eternal prattle that would drown all | ||
+ | manner of intelligibility, | ||
+ | their mouths; so that between the blind judges and the dumb matrons | ||
+ | methought the trial had a chance of being terminated sooner than it | ||
+ | otherwise would. The matrons, instead of their tongues, had other | ||
+ | instruments to convey their ideas: each of them had three quizzes, one | ||
+ | quiz pendent from the string that sewed up her mouth, and another quiz | ||
+ | in either hand. When she wished to express her negative, she darted | ||
+ | and recoiled the quizzes in her right and left hand; and when she | ||
+ | desired to express her affirmative, | ||
+ | pendent from her mouth flow down and recoil again. The trial proceeded | ||
+ | in this manner for a long time, to the admiration of the whole empire, | ||
+ | when at length I thought proper to send to my old friend and ally, | ||
+ | Prester John, entreating him to forward to me one of the species of | ||
+ | wild and curious birds found in his kingdom, called a Wauwau. This | ||
+ | creature was brought over the great bridge before mentioned, from the | ||
+ | interior of Africa, by a balloon. The balloon was placed upon the | ||
+ | bridge, extending over the parapets on each side, with great wings or | ||
+ | oars to assist its velocity, and under the balloon was placed pendant | ||
+ | a kind of boat, in which were the persons to manage the steerage of | ||
+ | the machine, and protect Wauwau. This oracular bird, arriving in | ||
+ | England, instantly darted through one of the windows of the great | ||
+ | hall, and perched upon the canopy in the centre to the admiration of | ||
+ | all present. Her cackling appeared quite prophetic and oracular; and | ||
+ | the first question proposed to her by the unanimous consent of the | ||
+ | matrons and judges was, Whether or not the moon was composed of green | ||
+ | cheese? The solution of this question was deemed absolutely necessary | ||
+ | before they could proceed farther on the trial. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Wauwau seemed in figure not very much differing from a swan, except | ||
+ | that the neck was not near so long, and she stood after an admirable | ||
+ | fashion like to Vestris. She began cackling most sonorously, and the | ||
+ | whole assembly agreed that it was absolutely necessary to catch her, | ||
+ | and having her in their immediate possession, nothing more would be | ||
+ | requisite for the termination of this litigated affair. For this | ||
+ | purpose the whole house rose up to catch her, and approached in | ||
+ | tumult, the judges brandishing their pens, and shaking their big wigs, | ||
+ | and the matrons quizzing as much as possible in every direction, which | ||
+ | very much startled Wauwau, who, clapping her wings, instantly flew out | ||
+ | of the hall. The assembly began to proceed after her in order and | ||
+ | style of precedence, together with my whole train of Gog and Magog, | ||
+ | Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos, Queen Mab's chariot, the bulls and crickets, | ||
+ | &c., preceded by bands of music; while Wauwau, descending on the | ||
+ | earth, ran on like an ostrich before the troop, cackling all the way. | ||
+ | Thinking suddenly to catch this ferocious animal, the judges and | ||
+ | matrons would suddenly quicken their pace, but the creature would as | ||
+ | quickly outrun them, or sometimes fly away for many miles together, | ||
+ | and then alight to take breath until we came within sight of her | ||
+ | again. Our train journeyed over a most prodigious tract of country in | ||
+ | a direct line, over hills and dales, to the summit of Plinlimmon, | ||
+ | where we thought to have seized Wauwau; but she instantly took flight, | ||
+ | and never ceased until she arrived at the mouth of the Potomac river | ||
+ | in Virginia. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Our company immediately embarked in the machines before described, in | ||
+ | which we had journeyed into Africa, and after a few days' sail arrived | ||
+ | in North America. We met with nothing curious on our voyage, except a | ||
+ | floating island, containing some very delightful villages, inhabited | ||
+ | by a few whites and negroes; the sugar cane did not thrive there well, | ||
+ | on account, as I was informed, of the variety of the climates; the | ||
+ | island being sometimes driven up as far as the north pole, and at | ||
+ | other times wafted under the equinoctial. In pity to the poor | ||
+ | islanders, I got a huge stake of iron, and driving it through the | ||
+ | centre of the island, fastened it to the rocks and mud at the bottom | ||
+ | of the sea, since which time the island has become stationary, and is | ||
+ | well known at present by the name of St. Christopher' | ||
+ | not an island in the world more secure. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Arriving in North America, we were received by the President of the | ||
+ | United States with every honour and politeness. He was pleased to give | ||
+ | us all the information possible relative to the woods and immense | ||
+ | regions of America, and ordered troops of the different tribes of the | ||
+ | Esquimaux to guide us through the forests in pursuit of Wauwau, who, | ||
+ | we at length found, had taken refuge in the centre of a morass. The | ||
+ | inhabitants of the country, who loved hunting, were much delighted to | ||
+ | behold the manner in which we attempted to seize upon Wauwau; the | ||
+ | chase was noble and uncommon. I determined to surround the animal on | ||
+ | every side, and for this purpose ordered the judges and matrons to | ||
+ | surround the morass with nets extending a mile in height, on various | ||
+ | parts of which net the company disposed themselves, floating in the | ||
+ | air like so many spiders upon their cobwebs. Magog, at my command, put | ||
+ | on a kind of armour that he had carried with him for the purpose, | ||
+ | corselet of steel, with gauntlets, helmet, &c., so as nearly to | ||
+ | resemble a mole. He instantly plunged into the earth, making way with | ||
+ | his sharp steel head-piece, and tearing up the ground with his iron | ||
+ | claws, and found not much difficulty therein, as morass in general is | ||
+ | of a soft and yielding texture. Thus he hoped to undermine Wauwau, and | ||
+ | suddenly rising, seize her by the foot, while his brother Gog ascended | ||
+ | the air in a balloon, hoping to catch her if she could escape Magog. | ||
+ | Thus the animal was surrounded on every side, and at first was very | ||
+ | much terrified, knowing not which way she had best to go. At length | ||
+ | hearing an obscure noise under ground, Wauwau took flight before Magog | ||
+ | could have time to catch her by the foot. She flew to the right, then | ||
+ | to the left, north, east, west, and south, but found on every side the | ||
+ | company prepared upon their nets. At length she flew right up, soaring | ||
+ | at a most astonishing rate towards the sun, while the company on every | ||
+ | side set up one general acclamation. But Gog in his balloon soon | ||
+ | stopped Wauwau in the midst of her career, and snared her in a net, | ||
+ | the cords of which he continued to hold in his hand. Wauwau did not | ||
+ | totally lose her presence of mind, but after a little consideration, | ||
+ | made several violent darts against the volume of the balloon; so | ||
+ | fierce, as at length to tear open a great space, on which the | ||
+ | inflammable air rushing out, the whole apparatus began to tumble to | ||
+ | the earth with amazing rapidity. Gog himself was thrown out of the | ||
+ | vehicle, and letting go the reins of the net, Wauwau got liberty | ||
+ | again, and flew out of sight in an instant. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Gog had been above a mile elevated from the earth when he began to | ||
+ | fall, and as he advanced the rapidity increased, so that he went like | ||
+ | a ball from a cannon into the morass, and his nose striking against | ||
+ | one of the iron-capped hands of his brother Magog, just then rising | ||
+ | from the depths, he began to bleed violently, and, but for the | ||
+ | softness of the morass, would have lost his life. | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | Go to [[CHAPTER XXXII]] | ||
+ | |||
roleplaying/munchausen/chapter_xxxi.txt · Last modified: 2005/11/22 18:03 by 127.0.0.1