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+====== TRAVELS OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN ======
+===== CHAPTER XXX =====
+//The Baron arrives in England--the Colossus of Rhodes comes to
+congratulate him--Great rejoicings on the Baron's return, and a
+tremendous concert--The Baron's discourse with Fragrantia, and her
+opinion of the Tour to the Hebrides.//
+Having arrived in England once more, the greatest rejoicings were made
+for my return; the whole city seemed one general blaze of
+illumination, and the Colossus of Rhodes, hearing of my astonishing
+feats, came on purpose to England to congratulate me on such
+unparalleled achievements. But above all other rejoicings on my
+return, the musical oratorio and song of triumph were magnificent in
+the extreme. Gog and Magog were ordered to take the maiden tower of
+Windsor, and make a tambourine or great drum of it. For this purpose
+they extended an elephant's hide, tanned and prepared for the design,
+across the summit of the tower, from parapet to parapet, so that in
+proportion this extended elephant's hide was to the whole of the
+castle what the parchment is to a drum, in such a manner that the
+whole became one great instrument of war.
+To correspond with this, Colossus took Guildhall and Westminster
+Abbey, and turning the foundations towards the heavens, so that the
+roofs of the edifices were upon the ground, he strung them across with
+brass and steel wire from side to side, and thus, when strung, they
+had the appearance of most noble dulcimers. He then took the great
+dome of St. Paul's, raising it off the earth with as much facility as
+you would a decanter of claret. And when once risen up it had the
+appearance of a quart bottle. Colossus instantly, with his teeth,
+cracked off the superior part of the cupola, and then applying his
+lips to the instrument, began to sound it like a trumpet. 'Twas
+martial beyond description--//tantara!//--//tara!//--//ta!//
+During the concert I walked in the park with Lady Fragrantia: she was
+dressed that morning in a //chemise à la reine//. "I like," said she,
+"the dew of the morning, 'tis delicate and ethereal, and, by thus
+bespangling me, I think it will more approximate me to the nature of
+the rose [for her looks were like Aurora]; and to confirm the
+vermilion I shall go to Spa." "And drink the Podhon spring?" added I,
+gazing at her from top to toe. "Yes," replied the lovely Fragrantia,
+"with all my heart; 'tis the drink of sweetness and delicacy. Never
+were there any creatures like the water-drinkers at spa; they seem
+like so many thirsty blossoms on a peach-tree, that suck up the shower
+in the scorching heat. There is a certain something in the waters that
+gives vigour to the whole frame, and expands every heart with rapture
+and benevolence. They drink! good gods! how they do drink! and then,
+how they sleep! Pray, my dear Baron, were you ever at the falls of
+Niagara?" "Yes, my lady," replied I, surprised at such a strange
+association of ideas; "I have been, many years ago, at the Falls of
+Niagara, and found no more difficulty in swimming up and down the
+cataracts than I should to move a minuet." At that moment she dropped
+her nosegay. "Ah," said she, as I presented it to her, "there is no
+great variety in these polyanthuses. I do assure you, my dear Baron,
+that there is taste in the selection of flowers as well as everything
+else, and were I a girl of sixteen I should wear some rosebuds in my
+bosom, but at five-and-twenty I think it would be more //apropos// to
+wear a full-blown rose, quite ripe, and ready to drop off the stalk
+for want of being pulled--heigh-ho!" "But pray, my lady," said I, "how
+do you like the concert?" "Alas!" said she, languishingly, while she
+laid her hand upon my shoulder, "what are these bodiless sounds and
+vibration to me? and yet what an exquisite sweetness in the songs of
+the northern part of our island:--'//Thou art gone awa' from me,
+Mary!//' How pathetic and divine the little airs of Scotland and the
+Hebrides! But never, never can I think of that same Doctor Johnson--
+that CONSTABLE, as Fergus MacLeod calls him--but I have an idea of a
+great brown full-bottomed wig and a hogshead of porter! Oh, 'twas
+base! to be treated everywhere with politeness and hospitality, and in
+return invidiously to smellfungus them all over; to go to the country
+of Kate of Aberdeen, of Auld Robin Gray, 'midst rural innocence and
+sweetness, take up their plaids, and dance. Oh! Doctor, Doctor!"
+"And what would you say, Fragrantia, if you were to write a tour to
+the Hebrides?" "Peace to the heroes," replied she, in a delicate and
+theatrical tone; "peace to the heroes who sleep in the isle of Iona;
+the sons of the wave, and the chiefs of the dark-brown shield! The
+tear of the sympathising stranger is scattered by the wind over the
+hoary stones as she meditates sorrowfully on the times of old! Such
+could I say, sitting upon some druidical heap or tumulus. The fact is
+this, there is a right and wrong handle to everything, and there is
+more pleasure in thinking with pure nobility of heart than with the
+illiberal enmities and sarcasm of a blackguard."
+----
+Go to [[CHAPTER XXXI]]