roleplaying:munchausen:chapter_xiv
no way to compare when less than two revisions
Differences
This shows you the differences between two versions of the page.
— | roleplaying:munchausen:chapter_xiv [2005/11/22 18:00] (current) – created - external edit 127.0.0.1 | ||
---|---|---|---|
Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
+ | ====== TRAVELS OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN ====== | ||
+ | ===== CHAPTER XIV ===== | ||
+ | //Our Baron excels Baron Tott beyond all comparison, yet fails in | ||
+ | part of his attempt--Gets into disgrace with the Grand Seignior, | ||
+ | who orders his head to be cut off--Escapes, | ||
+ | vessel, in which he is carried to Venice--Baron Tott's origin, | ||
+ | with some account of that great man's parents--Pope Ganganelli' | ||
+ | amour--His Holiness fond of shell-fish.// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Baron de Tott, in his Memoirs, makes as great a parade of a single act | ||
+ | as many travellers whose whole lives have been spent in seeing the | ||
+ | different parts of the globe; for my part, if I had been blown from | ||
+ | Europe to Asia from the mouth of a cannon, I should have boasted less | ||
+ | of it afterwards than he has done of only firing off a Turkish piece | ||
+ | of ordnance. What he says of this wonderful gun, as near as my memory | ||
+ | will serve me, is this: | ||
+ | near the city, on the banks of Simois, a celebrated river, an enormous | ||
+ | piece of ordnance cast in brass, which would carry a marble ball of | ||
+ | eleven hundred pounds weight. I was inclined," | ||
+ | but I was willing first to judge of its effect; the crowd about me | ||
+ | trembled at this proposal, as they asserted it would overthrow not | ||
+ | only the castle, but the city also; at length their fears in part | ||
+ | subsided, and I was permitted to discharge it. It required not less | ||
+ | than three hundred and thirty pounds' | ||
+ | weighed, as before mentioned, eleven hundredweight. When the engineer | ||
+ | brought the priming, the crowds who were about me retreated back as | ||
+ | fast as they could; nay, it was with the utmost difficulty I persuaded | ||
+ | the Pacha, who came on purpose, there was no danger: even the engineer | ||
+ | who was to discharge it by my direction was considerably alarmed. I | ||
+ | took my stand on some stone-work behind the cannon, gave the signal, | ||
+ | and felt a shock like that of earthquake! At the distance of three | ||
+ | hundred fathom the ball burst into three pieces; the fragments crossed | ||
+ | the strait, rebounded on the opposite mountain, and left the surface | ||
+ | of the water all in a foam through the whole breadth of the channel." | ||
+ | |||
+ | This, gentlemen, is, as near as I can recollect, Baron Tott's account | ||
+ | of the largest cannon in the known world. Now, when I was there not | ||
+ | long since, the anecdote of Tott's firing this tremendous piece was | ||
+ | mentioned as a proof of that gentleman' | ||
+ | |||
+ | I was determined not to be outdone by a Frenchman, therefore took this | ||
+ | very piece upon my shoulder, and, after balancing it properly, jumped | ||
+ | into the sea with it, and swam to the opposite shore, from whence I | ||
+ | unfortunately attempted to throw it back into its former place. I say | ||
+ | unfortunately, | ||
+ | to discharge it, and in consequence of that it fell into the middle of | ||
+ | the channel, where it now lies, without a prospect of ever recovering | ||
+ | it: and notwithstanding the high favour I was in with the Grand | ||
+ | Seignior, as before mentioned, this cruel Turk, as soon as he heard of | ||
+ | the loss of his famous piece of ordnance, issued an order to cut off | ||
+ | my head. I was immediately informed of it by one of the Sultanas, with | ||
+ | whom I was become a great favourite, and she secreted me in her | ||
+ | apartment while the officer charged with my execution was, with his | ||
+ | assistants, in search of me. | ||
+ | |||
+ | That very night I made my escape on board a vessel bound to Venice, | ||
+ | which was then weighing anchor to proceed on her voyage. | ||
+ | |||
+ | The last story, gentlemen, I am not fond of mentioning, as I | ||
+ | miscarried in the attempt, and was very near losing my life into the | ||
+ | bargain: however, as it contains no impeachment of my honour, I would | ||
+ | not withhold it from you. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Now, gentlemen, you all know me, and can have no doubt of my veracity. | ||
+ | I will entertain you with the origin of this same swaggering, bouncing | ||
+ | Tott. | ||
+ | |||
+ | His reputed father was a native of Berne, in Switzerland; | ||
+ | profession was that of a surveyor of the streets, lanes, and alleys, | ||
+ | vulgarly called a scavenger. His mother was a native of the mountains | ||
+ | of Savoy, and had a most beautiful large wen on her neck, common to | ||
+ | both sexes in that part of the world; she left her parents when young, | ||
+ | and sought her fortune in the same city which gave his father birth; | ||
+ | she maintained herself while single by acts of kindness to our sex, | ||
+ | for she never was known to refuse them any favour they asked, provided | ||
+ | they did but pay her some compliment beforehand. This lovely couple | ||
+ | met by accident in the street, in consequence of their being both | ||
+ | intoxicated, | ||
+ | this created mutual abuse, in which they were complete adepts; they | ||
+ | were both carried to the watch-house, | ||
+ | correction; they soon saw the folly of quarrelling, | ||
+ | fond of each other, and married; but madam returning to her old | ||
+ | tricks, his father, who had high notions of honour, soon separated | ||
+ | himself from her; she then joined a family who strolled about with a | ||
+ | puppet-show. In time she arrived at Rome, where she kept an oyster- | ||
+ | stand. You have all heard, no doubt of Pope Ganganelli, commonly | ||
+ | called Clement XIV.: he was remarkably fond of oysters. One Good | ||
+ | Friday, as he was passing through this famous city in state, to assist | ||
+ | at high mass at St. Peter' | ||
+ | were remarkably fine and fresh); he could not proceed without tasting | ||
+ | them. There were about five thousand people in his train; he ordered | ||
+ | them all to stop, and sent word to the church he could not attend mass | ||
+ | till next day; then alighting from his horse (for the Pope always | ||
+ | rides on horseback upon these occasions) he went into her stall, and | ||
+ | ate every oyster she had there, and afterwards retired into the cellar | ||
+ | where she had a few more. This subterraneous apartment was her | ||
+ | kitchen, parlour, and bed-chamber. He liked his situation so much that | ||
+ | he discharged all his attendants, and to make short of the story, His | ||
+ | Holiness passed the whole night there! Before they parted he gave her | ||
+ | absolution, not only for every sin she had, but all she might | ||
+ | hereafter commit. | ||
+ | |||
+ | //Now, gentlemen, I have his mother' | ||
+ | cannot be doubted), that Baron Tott is the fruit of that amour. When | ||
+ | Tott was born, his mother applied to His Holiness, as the father of | ||
+ | her child; he immediately placed him under the proper people, and as | ||
+ | he grew up gave him a gentleman' | ||
+ | arms, procured him promotion in France, and a title, and when he died | ||
+ | he left him a good estate.// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | Go to [[CHAPTER XV]] |
roleplaying/munchausen/chapter_xiv.txt · Last modified: 2005/11/22 18:00 by 127.0.0.1