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+====== TRAVELS OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN ======
+===== CHAPTER XIII =====
+A TRIP TO THE NORTH
+//The Baron sails with Captain Phipps, attacks two large bears, and
+has a very narrow escape--Gains the confidence of these animals,
+and then destroys thousands of them; loads the ship with their
+hams and skins; makes presents of the former, and obtains a
+general invitation to all city feasts--A dispute between the
+Captain and the Baron, in which, from motives of politeness, the
+Captain is suffered to gain his point--The Baron declines the
+offer of a throne, and an empress into the bargain.//
+We all remember Captain Phipps's (now Lord Mulgrave) last voyage of
+discovery to the north. I accompanied the captain, not as an officer,
+but as a private friend. When we arrived in a high northern latitude I
+was viewing the objects around me with the telescope which I
+introduced to your notice in my Gibraltar adventures. I thought I saw
+two large white bears in violent action upon a body of ice
+considerably above the masts, and about half a league distance. I
+immediately took my carbine, slung it across my shoulder, and ascended
+the ice. When I arrived at the top, the unevenness of the surface made
+my approach to those animals troublesome and hazardous beyond
+expression: sometimes hideous cavities opposed me, which I was obliged
+to spring over; in other parts the surface was as smooth as a mirror,
+and I was continually falling: as I approached near enough to reach
+them, I found they were only at play. I immediately began to calculate
+the value of their skins, for they were each as large as a well-fed
+ox: unfortunately, at the very instant I was presenting my carbine my
+right foot slipped, I fell upon my back, and the violence of the blow
+deprived me totally of my senses for nearly half an hour; however,
+when I recovered, judge of my surprise at finding one of those large
+animals I have been just describing had turned me upon my face, and
+was just laying hold of the waistband of my breeches, which were then
+new and made of leather: he was certainly going to carry me feet
+foremost, God knows where, when I took this knife (showing a large
+clasp knife) out of my side-pocket, made a chop at one of his hind
+feet, and cut off three of his toes; he immediately let me drop and
+roared most horribly. I took up my carbine and fired at him as he ran
+off; he fell directly. The noise of the piece roused several thousand
+of these white bears, who were asleep upon the ice within half a mile
+of me; they came immediately to the spot. There was no time to be
+lost. A most fortunate thought arrived in my pericranium just at that
+instant. I took off the skin and head of the dead bear in half the
+time that some people would be in skinning a rabbit, and wrapped
+myself in it, placing my own head directly under Bruin's; the whole
+herd came round me immediately, and my apprehensions threw me into a
+most piteous situation to be sure: however, my scheme turned out a
+most admirable one for my own safety. They all came smelling, and
+evidently took me for a brother Bruin; I wanted nothing but bulk to
+make an excellent counterfeit: however, I saw several cubs amongst
+them not much larger than myself. After they had all smelt me, and the
+body of their deceased companion, whose skin was now become my
+protector, we seemed very sociable, and I found I could mimic all
+their actions tolerably well; but at growling, roaring, and hugging
+they were quite my masters. I began now to think that I might turn the
+general confidence which I had created amongst these animals to my
+advantage.
+I had heard an old army surgeon say a wound in the spine was instant
+death. I now determined to try the experiment, and had again recourse
+to my knife, with which I struck the largest in the back of the neck,
+near the shoulders, but under great apprehensions, not doubting but
+the creature would, if he survived the stab, tear me to pieces.
+However, I was remarkably fortunate, for he fell dead at my feet
+without making the least noise. I was now resolved to demolish them
+every one in the same manner, which I accomplished without the least
+difficulty; for although they saw their companions fall, they had no
+suspicion of either the cause or the effect. When they all lay dead
+before me, I felt myself a second Samson, having slain my thousands.
+To make short of the story, I went back to the ship, and borrowed
+three parts of the crew to assist me in skinning them, and carrying
+the hams on board, which we did in a few hours, and loaded the ship
+with them. As to the other parts of the animals, they were thrown into
+the sea, though I doubt not but the whole would eat as well as the
+legs, were they properly cured.
+As soon as we returned I sent some of the hams, in the captain's name,
+to the Lords of Admiralty, others to the Lords of the Treasury, some
+to the Lord Mayor and Corporation of London, a few to each of the
+trading companies, and the remainder to my particular friends, from
+all of whom I received warm thanks; but from the city I was honoured
+with substantial notice, viz., an invitation to dine at Guildhall
+annually on Lord Mayor's day.
+The bear-skins I sent to the Empress of Russia, to clothe her majesty
+and her court in the winter, for which she wrote me a letter of thanks
+with her own hand, and sent it by an ambassador extraordinary,
+inviting me to share the honours of her crown; but as I never was
+ambitious of royal dignity, I declined her majesty's favour in the
+politest terms. The same ambassador had orders to wait and bring my
+answer to her majesty //personally//, upon which business he was absent
+about three months: her majesty's reply convinced me of the strength
+of her affections, and the dignity of her mind; her late indisposition
+was entirely owing (as she, kind creature! was pleased to express
+herself in a late conversation with the Prince Dolgoroucki) to my
+cruelty. What the sex see in me I cannot conceive, but the Empress is
+not the only female sovereign who has offered me her hand.
+Some people have very illiberally reported that Captain Phipps did not
+proceed as far as he might have done upon that expedition. Here it
+becomes my duty to acquit him; our ship was in a very proper trim till
+I loaded it with such an immense quantity of bear-skins and hams,
+after which it would have been madness to have attempted to proceed
+further, as we were now scarcely able to combat a brisk gale, much
+less those mountains of ice which lay in the higher latitudes.
+The captain has since often expressed a dissatisfaction that he had no
+share in the honours of that day, which he emphatically called //bear-
+skin day//. He has also been very desirous of knowing by what art I
+destroyed so many thousands, without fatigue or danger to myself;
+indeed, he is so ambitious of dividing the glory with me, that we have
+actually quarrelled about it, and we are not now upon speaking terms.
+He boldly asserts I had no merit in deceiving the bears, because I was
+covered with one of their skins; nay, he declares there is not, in his
+opinion, in Europe, so complete a bear naturally as himself among the
+human species.
+He is now a noble peer, and I am too well acquainted with good manners
+to dispute so delicate a point with his lordship.
+----
+Go to [[CHAPTER XIV]]